It’s been a while since my last post (had planned and written something else, just didn’t feel like publishing it, although that may change later), and, as expected, a few things have changed since then.
For one, the new semester has started at my college, and I’m only taking one class; an economics course which I didn’t do so well in last semester and am hoping to improve my grade this time. However, it looks as though I may have to drop it so that I can work more, or get a different job as I’m applying to many places at the moment.
In other things that have gone not so well, my mom has commented to me that she really hates my transition and is just going along with it since she thinks I’ll get out of it sometime soon. I just feel so back stabbed and down because of this, since she was acting like it wasn’t that big of a deal anymore and was helping me with things relating to my transition recently. So now I feel I have to worry about having increased tension with her, which is why I’ve been looking at apartments to rent. So far, I’ve only found a few that I would be able to afford, but luckily however, they seem to be pretty close to where I live now.
Its not been all bad, however! A couple weekends ago went to Ohayocon and had a great time! This time I didn’t quite spend as much money as my last convention; with the only thing I bought being a Hatsune Miku plush. I had originally planned on cosplaying two times this convention, but Inori from Guilty Crown cosplay I ordered seemed like a bad material and was a little small, so I ended up only cosplaying Miku. Hopefully for the next con I’ll have a different cosplay to wear, preferably Rem (Re: Zero) since I had originally planned to get a Rem cosplay at first.
In the days since my last post, things have calmed down and I’m feeling a little less nervous than I was last week, mainly due to the support of my family. Since then, I’ve been trying to decide what I’m going to do for Christmas, since my sister is going to go visit relatives who are extremely unsupportive to my transition, and my mom is taking a trip to the Smokey Mountains with her fiance. Right now my plan is to just stay home, try to make some extra money working on Christmas Eve, and try to see if anyone I know doesn’t have any plans either, so we’ll see how that goes.
Going into more depressing things, I finally got around to looking into the requirements into transferring into a finance degree, and they’re much tougher than I anticipated. To give some background info I have been in depression since the start of college, which led me to dropping out of multiple courses, failing or doing terribly (C-D grades) in classes, and just in general having a terrible time with schooling. Now, however, I have at least started feeling much less depressed (apart from this past week) and am finally trying to improve my future, but with this hurdle I really don’t know what to do. My first thought was to transfer to a community college and get an associates degree then try to transfer back for my bachelors, but I’m not sure how that would work with the school. I’ll call the school later to try to get an appointment to figure out everything (with my luck though they won’t have any openings until after Thanksgiving).
Now on to better news, I finally bought my pass to Ohayocon after about a month of procrastinating. Now all I have to do is to figure out which of my friends are actually going (since some bailed on me last time) and if my sister wants to go. Hopefully this will be figured out before hotel rates go up because that $95 dollars a night room looks much better than the ones for around $150.
I also had a bit of a derp moment last week. I for some reason decided to look at my prescription bottle and realized my doctor increased my dosage, which means for the past week and a half I’ve been taking 2 mg less than I was supposed to.
Last night, I stayed up until around 2 am eastern watching the results of the election, constantly trying to hold at least a little hope that Hillary would pull through and win. But, alas, it didn’t happen and has left me afraid for my future, everyone who is lgbt+s’ future, and the country as a whole. Donald Trump has been openly anti-lgbt+ (even while hold up a rainbow flag, like that makes much difference) and I worry what this means towards marriage equality and people like me who are transitioning.
I understand some of the reasons why people would vote for Trump, but even so, I am downright terrified about what’s going to happen to transgender rights with his presidency. I’ve heard some people claim it will be just like going back to the George W. Bush days, so hopefully we’ll all be able to go through these times like people did then, but I’m still nervous. Personally, I was planning on going full time at work (already full time at school) at the beginning of the year, but with this news it makes me want to sooner so I can hopefully be more prepared and actually be able to get my legal documents changed to female.
With all this in mind though, I have calmed down a bit from when I first realized Trump was probably going to win. I seriously thought about going out and buying a bunch of sleeping pills since I was so depressed with the news. I’ve gotten a bit better now though, with the help of reading about how I can definitely still go out of country to get surgeries that are cheaper, and with the hope that the president after Trump will hopefully be more lgbt+ friendly and better for the country as a whole.
In the meantime, however, I’ll try not to improve my mood by just impulse buying clothes and another cosplay online.